post femme conference love, love, LOVE I AM LOVING Zuleikha, Leah, Cherry, Ana, Pidge, Hazel, Julia, Davey, Bevin, Myasia, and everyone else who made my Femme Conference great and sweet.
I AM LOVING the
Femme Sharks and Sea Creature Allies.
I AM LOVING Leah for reminding me, again and again, what family we choose can look like. How family does not need to be a place that's fractured, how family can be something that is beloved and precious.
I AM LOVING Dorothy Allison and Julia Serano's FUCKING AMAZING keynotes that made me cry, cry cry in all the best ways. I AM LOVING Julia's hug and sweetness and offer of lunch sometime.
I AM LOVING that Zuleikha have I known each other for so long and held each other through so much. I AM LOVING that when we were crying on each other after both speeches, Zuleikha shouted through her tears, "NEVER FORGET YOU'RE A GODDAMN SHARK!"
I AM LOVING being up onstage in cleavage-baring dresses and glitter and high high heels. I AM LOVING that the stage is fun for me, not scary, not nerves all jangled up, just pure bubbling joy.
I AM LOVING Jordan, her fierceness, love, wit, and pretty eyelashes.
I AM LOVING Aidan for being there for me, through thick and fucking thin, for years. I am loving his excellent and fearless balance of sarcasm and compassion.
I AM LOVING being in love with Tobi -- late night phone conversations and giggles, cracking dirty jokes like 13 y/o boys and talking politics like rilly serious ladies, fucking that makes me feel present, dearly held, and like the best sweet dirty girl. I AM LOVING being ferociously loving and filthy with her and other people. I AM LOVING being open-hearted.
I AM LOVING all of my lovers, and all that they give me. I AM LOVING all of my friends, and all that they give me. I AM LOVING being in love AND being a slut AND not letting any of my love relationships come before my love for myself. (To quote the Femme Sharks' zine: "THEIR DICK IS NOT GOLD-PLATED, BUT *YOU* GODDAMN *ARE*!")
I AM LOVING the conference make-outs at the back of two bars, at the 4am renegade naked pool party where people played "Marco Polo" by shouting "Dorothy... ALLISON!", at the soda machine at 5 in the morning. I AM LOVING being a giant flirt and an exhibitionist.
I AM LOVING my chin whiskers and small feet, big tits and soft belly, round face and curly hair, tattoos and scars. I AM BELIEVING THAT THESE THINGS MAKE ME MORE BEAUTIFUL, NOT LESS!
I AM LOVING myself, all the ways I never thought I could. I AM LETTING GO all the things I used to count as defects, as shame, as secrets -- they no longer hold power over or define me.
I AM LOVING being the mama to lots of chosen fam. I AM LOVING being the daughter who carries on the right legacies and ends the painful ones. I AM LOVING making choices that are good for me.
I AM LOVING the fierceness and power of being a pretty girl and a grown woman. I AM LOVING being tough and sweet. I AM LOVING living in my body and my heart like they are the best places ever, BECAUSE THEY FUCKING ARE!
THANK YOU Femme Conference.
THANK YOU Leah, THANK YOU Zuleikha. I love you -- you're my family and my heart.
Current Mood: beloved, loving, & sharkyCurrent Music: "I won't change my life, my life's just fine!" 
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